51 Best Witty Quotes and One Liners

Here is the compilation of 51 Best Witty Quotes and One Liners.

1. Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.
2. If money doesn’t grow on trees why do bank have branches?
3. Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
4. Common sense is not so common.
5. Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
6. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
7. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
8. Work in silence, let your success speak.
9. If you steal from one author, it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research.
10. Hard work has a future payoff. – Laziness pays off now.
11. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
12. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
13. All is well that ends.
14. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
15. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
16. When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
17. Take my advice — I’m not using it.
18. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
19. If the music’s too loud you’re too old.
20. I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.
21. If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
22. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
23. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
24. Change is good, but dollars are better.
25. We live in an age where pizza gets to your home before  police.
26. The smallest changes make the biggest difference.
27. If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
28. The one who decides to wipe the tears of the poor must have the money to buy the tissue…
29. Opportunity isn’t knocking coz you haven’t built the doors yet.
30. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
31. I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
32. Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
33. People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
34. Only dead fish go with the flow.
35. Life is like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it shits on your head.
36. Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
37. If everything seems to be coming your way, you’re probably in the wrong lane.
38. Failure is not falling down, it is not getting up again.
39. A bad plan is better than no plan.
40. Assumption is the mother of all screw-ups.
41. Failure teaches success.
42. Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
43. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
44. The greatest risk is to risk nothing at all.
45. Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
46. Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
47. The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.
48. I don’t have a bad handwriting. I have my own font.
49. Magnify you Skills…or else modify your Goals.
50. I am not fat, I am just easier to see.
51. I am not arguing. I am simply explaining why I’m right.