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We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more….
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Best Funny Insults
- Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- I’d give you a slap, but that’d be animal abuse.
- If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
- You’re not glowing, honey. You’re basically bathed in oil.
- I think I’ve seen you before, but I’m pretty sure I had to pay admission last time.
- I’m busy right now; can I ignore you another time?
- I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
- Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.
- The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana.
- Learn from your parent’s mistake… Use birth control.
- Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
- You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
- When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change… except the direction I was walking in.
- If a cannibal wanted to eat you, he wouldn’t find anything in your brain
- I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!
- I would never date you. I’m lonely, not desperate.
- I would agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.
- You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily
- If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
- If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
- Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege.
- Jesus might love you, but everyone else definitely thinks you’re an idiot.
- Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? Your presence keeps covering it up
- The mirror broke when you looked at it. You can’t fix ugly.
- I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
- Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
- You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.
- No I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
- Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
Unique Funny Insults
- Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. You owe it an apology.
- He was so narrow-minded. He could look through a keyhole with both eyes.
- People like you are the reason I’m on medication.
- Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.
- Why don’t you slip into something a little more comfortable… Like a coma.
- Here’s a tissue, you have a little piece of sh*t on your lips.
- It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
- A fool is the same all year round, and we celebrate you on April 1st.
- Feed your own ego. I’m busy.
- I’d insult you, but then I’d have to explain it afterwards, so never mind.
- Do your parents even realize they’re living proof that two wrongs don’t make a right?
- When life gives us those lemons, we will be sure to use them, okay?
- I treasure the time I don’t spend with you.
- You’re so ugly the only dates you get are on a calendar.
- You’re not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesn’t die.
- Are you afraid that zombies will eat your brain? Nah, you’ll be fine.
- There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Thanks for helping me understand that.
- If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.
- I hear there’s a new app called “Sense of Humor.” Please download it.
- Hold still. I’m trying to imagine you with personality.
- If we continue talking to each other, I might end up dead.
- Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.
- I’m not saying that I hate you, but I’d unplug your life support machine to charge my mobile.
- Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
- I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
- Long story short, because you wouldn’t be able to follow with the long one.
- Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you’ll find a brain back there.
- Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
- Shock me, say something intelligent.
Creative Funny Insults
- If I typed ‘stupid’ in google, your name would pop up
- Okay, let me file what you just said under ‘I couldn’t care less.’
- God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind
- You look like a cow with that nose ring, and you’ve got the personality to match.
- I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
- If you want a man who’s committed, go look in a mental hospital.
- Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
- Mind if I ask where the OFF button for your mouth is?
- Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
- There’s only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half—I don’t want two of you around!
- You see that door? I want you on the other side of it.
- I’d love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this chainsaw.
- I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
- You’re the reason they invented double doors.
- Know your role, shut your hole!
- I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull.
- I love the sound you make when you shut up.
- I can’t insult you. The universe has already helped by making you look like that
- My headaches left immediately I left your presence
- There is no vaccine against stupidity.
- Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
- Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! I still have mine.
- The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. Be ready.
- I’m jealous of all the people that haven’t met you.
- Don’t like my sarcasm, well I don’t like your stupid.
- If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
- I can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
- You’re like the end pieces of a loaf of bread. Everyone touches you, but nobody wants you.
- Whenever I see you, middle finger gets an erection.
- I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes.
Clever Funny Insults
- I know I make stupid choices, but you’re the worst of all my choices
- Keep talking…I’m diagnosing you.
- I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one.
- Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Oh wait, it’s not coming off.
- You are about to exceed the limits of my medication.
- Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
- You are the human equivalent of a participation award.
- You’re like Monday mornings, nobody likes you.
- You’re so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks.
- I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won.
- You’ve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago
- You shouldn’t act hard-to-get when you’re already hard-to-like.
- So nobody understands you.. it isn’t art but stupidity
- You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally!
- 2 words, 1 finger. Do the math!
- I hate you. All your calories go to your big head and not your body
- Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? You know what an asshole is, right?
- I’d love to insult you, but I won’t do as well as nature did.
- Your eyebrows look like eagle’s wings
- There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you the first time.
- If you added any more weight, the elevator wouldn’t move
- I don’t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
- You can attract bees with honey; in your case, it’s flies and faeces.
- Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions.
- Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone
- I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
- If you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
- Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
- I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.
- I’d give you a nasty look, but I see you’ve already got one.
Weird Funny Insults
- You’re living proof that evolution can go in reverse.
- If I wanted a b*tch, I would have purchased a dog.
- Can we normalize telling you that you aren’t so wonderful
- You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.
- You’re the human version of a headache.
- You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
- I’d like to see things from your view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass.
- The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
- My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
- Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I’ve wanted to cut it down.
- If stupid could fly, you’d be a jet.
- I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
- Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside.
- You’re cute. Like my dog. He also always chases his tail for entertainment.
- Hey dog breath, if I throw a stick will you go away?
- In the land of the witless, you would be king.
- The salt on this food is enough to kill an earthworm.
- You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.
- You’re so fat, you leave footprints in concrete.
- If you’re going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard.
- You’re so fat you could sell shade.
- Goeth & fucketh thyself!
- Even rats pay rent. You’ve outstayed your welcome.
- Turn hot dog water into ice cubes for people you don’t like.
- I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
- You are like the sun—not because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you.
- Empty barrels make the loudest noise
- Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth.
- Of course I talk like an idiot, how else would you understand me?
- Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Badass Funny Insults
- You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
- Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
- I may love to shop, but I will never buy your bull.
- I’ve met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus.
- Seriously, your mouth is so foul! Should I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper?
- Brains aren’t everything. In your case they’re nothing.
- Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything!
- Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
- I’m sorry I didn’t get that. I don’t speak bullsh*t.
- You’re so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit.
- If ugly were a crime, you’d get a life sentence.
- Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
- I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
- Mirrors can’t talk, and lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
- Were you born on the highway? That is where most accidents happen.
- You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.
- You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.
- I’m sorry, I’ll call you later. I’m breathing in air
- You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
- We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, we’ve been married for 10 years.
- There’s only one problem with your face… I can see it.
- Look at the time, it’s time for you to shut the f*ck up!
- Someday you’ll go far… and I really hope you stay there.
- Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.
- I can lose weight, but you’ll always be ugly.
- I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
- If you could smell you, you wouldn’t be friends with you.
- Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
- I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
- You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
Savage Funny Insults
- Oh, I didn’t realize you’re an expert in my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes.
- Your wig is slipping, and so are your senses.
- All day I thought of you… I was at the zoo.
- Your kid is so annoying he makes his Happy Meal cry.
- The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
- You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
- I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
- Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is you.
- Remember that time you were saying that thing I didn’t care about? Yeah… that is now.
- Remember, if anyone says you’re beautiful, it’s all lies
- Everyone has a purpose in life, yours is to become an organ donor.
- When the sanitation worker came, he forgot to take you along
- Sometimes, I wish I was deaf so your grammar wouldn’t bother me so much.
- It’s kind of hilarious watching you try to fit your entire vocabulary into one sentence.
- Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
- Fake hair, fake nails, fake smile. Are you sure you weren’t made in China?
- I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
- We can always tell when you are lying. Your lips move.
- Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go..
- You have a face only a mother could love.
- If you ran like your mouth, you’d be in good shape.
- Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
- I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
- They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
- Hey, your village called – they want their idiot back.
- Do you have to leave so soon? I was just about to poison the tea.
- I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
- You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
- You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
- You look like something that came out of a slow cooker.
Cool Funny Insults
- If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
- Let’s go to the zoo. I’ve always wanted to meet your family.
- You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
- You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds.
- I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.
- I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
- People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
- Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline.
- Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
- As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
- If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an ass.
- You can say hello to my middle finger.
- Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.
- You aren’t worth the dust that the wind is blowing on your face.
- If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
- What are you doing here? Did someone leave your cage open?
- Every time I’m next to you, I get a fierce desire to be alone.
- Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
- I would like to leave you with one thought, but I’m not sure if you have anywhere to store it in.
- You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about.
- I see no evil, and I definitely don’t hear your evil.
- If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
- I’d say you’re funny, but looks aren’t everything.
- Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
- Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
- Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
- Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for example.
- From the moment I first saw you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
- People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
Short and Simple Funny Insults
- Jealousy is a disease. Get well soon.
- I like the way you try.
- You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
- You, sir, are an oxygen thief!
- Grab a straw, because you suck.
- You should really come with a warning label.
- Did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan!
- You look like a before picture.
- Bye, hope to see you never.
- What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.
- Earth is full. Go home.
- If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I’d fart.
- Your face makes onions cry.
- How can your IQ be in single numbers
- You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
- N’Sync said it best: “BYE, BYE, BYE.”
- You are proof God has a sense of humor.
- You’re a bad person. Enough said.
- You do realize we tolerate you.
- I’ve been called worse by better.
- Don’t get bitter, just get better.
- First off: Brush your teeth.
- OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
- It’s impossible to underestimate you.
- I told my therapist about you.
- Have a nice day, somewhere else.
- You’re so fake, Barbie is jealous.
- You are so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous.
- I’m not a nerd. I’m just smarter than you.
- That sounds like a you problem.
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Unique Funny Insults
Creative Funny Insults
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